Screening is the process we undertake to decide if we would like to have you as a client. We all undertake screening differently - some will ask for your phone number, home address, a copy of photo ID, references from two workers you have seen, deposits, etc. It is best practise to provide screening information in the initial contact, so that you aren’t making the provider ask you for this information. (I require your full name, phone number, email address and for tour and longer bookings I also require a deposit - you will find all of this information on the Booking page).
If you are not comfortable complying with a provider’s screening requirements, that is absolutely your prerogative, but you will have to find another provider. Our safety is not negotiable.
If a sex worker has decided they do not want to see you, that decision is final and should not be contested. Frankly, it’s disturbing to want to be intimate with someone who does not want to be intimate with you.
Making a booking
It’s really important to follow a worker’s instructions for making a booking. I know it might seem frustrating that we all have our own way of doing things, but because of the large volume of communication we receive, it is in your best interest to follow our instructions to a tee. We receive time wasting messages, messages telling us we are the scum of the Earth, dick pics, people who want to date us, invitations to travel internationally in the middle of a pandemic, and people who like to call or text while they are jerking off. We also receive legitimate enquiries from genuine clients in the mix, but sometimes it is easy to accidentally dismiss them as someone trying to waste our time.
To book me, I require you to use the booking form on the booking page of my website, where you will be asked for your full name, email address, and phone number).
Many other providers will require you to either send a text message or email as the initial contact. They may specify what information they need in that message, but if not it is a good idea to at least include the following:
Where you saw their ad
Where you would like the booking to take place
How long you would like the booking to be
Dates and/or times that would suit
Feel free to use the below as a template. It doesn't have to be exactly like what I've written of course, but it's just as simple as writing a paragraph or two containing all the information a provider requires to book you in.
My name is [name], my number is [number] and my email is [email]. I saw your ad on [advertising location], thought you looked/sounded [adjective], and would love to spend some time with you.
My preference would be for [incall/outcall] in [suburb] for [booking length (and type if they offer different types of bookings)]. [Mornings/Afternoons/Evenings] on [weekdays, weekends, certain dates] suit me best (or list a particular date/time if needed).
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Getting in contact
Further to the above it is important to observe the provider’s preferred method of contact. For instance, I do not accept phone calls. If a phone call is important to you to make a booking, you will need to find another provider because every time I see a missed call from an unknown number I assume it is a person who is not capable of respecting my boundaries and therefore is not someone I want to be alone in a bedroom with, and they automatically fail my screening process without having even said or written a word.
This is all part of screening - a good thing to keep in mind is that the moment you initiate any kind of contact with a sex worker that is essentially the start of your audition to become their client. We’re not looking to see if you are good looking, good in bed, have lots of money, a nice dick, or anything like that. We are looking to see if you are someone who respects us, respects our work, and who understands that we are in charge in this dynamic.
If a sex worker accepts multiple contact methods, it’s really helpful if you can be consistent. Having conversation on Twitter DMs, via text message, and email makes everything really confusing, feels overwhelming, and means we are more likely to miss something important or miscommunicate.
Contact before a booking
Contact before the booking should be kept to a minimum. It should take 3-4 messages back and forth between you and the provider - you request a time, they accept that or suggest an alternative, they give you instructions on how to pay a deposit, you pay the deposit and let them know, and then they send you the information you need to attend the booking. A question or two in there about the booking is usually okay, but it is important to keep in mind that you are paying for our time when we are together - it’s not like Tinder where we’ll be chatting in the lead up to it.
I know it can be exciting and nerve-wracking thinking about the booking, especially when booking a fair while in advance. My suggestion is to put together all of your thoughts on a notepad or something and then send one email or message close to the booking time with it all in one. Some clients send multiple emails in the lead up, asking different questions, talking about how excited they are, and requesting different outfits or activities, and it gets exhausting. It also means when we are preparing for your booking that we have to look through a bunch of different threads from weeks or months ago to find what you’re after. We understand that making a booking can be a really big step for a client and it may monopolise their thinking at times in the lead up, but we need you to understand that we are dealing with a number of other clients during that time, and we don’t get paid outside of bookings.
Contact between bookings
Many providers will not entertain any chatter between bookings, or may only respond with very short answers. This may seem cold, but it is not a reflection on how they feel about you as a client or how they will be in person. It is simply that this is our job and you are paying to see us for an allocated amount of time.
In my case, I don’t mind a very occasional message if you see something that reminds you of a conversation we’ve had or something like that, but please don’t expect an extended conversation. Don’t get me wrong, I love my in-person chats with clients and I always look forward to catching up with you. One of my favourite things about this job is getting to learn about other people’s lives, but it simply isn’t practical for me to engage on a regular basis outside of the booking, just like you wouldn’t expect to text your doctor and have them send casual medical advice.
Some providers offer casual chatting or sexting services and video or phone calls which might be worth considering if you’d like to keep up the contact in between!
Off the clock
A lot of faux pas in the sex industry come from the client wanting to be polite and generous without realising the implication. Offering for us to join you for a bite to eat after the booking, for you to pick us up from the airport, and for us to share a taxi are all really inappropriate and put us in an awkward position. You may think you're doing us a favour, or saving us money, but what you're actually doing is overstepping the boundaries of the client/provider relationship and inserting yourself into our personal time.
IF the provider says "hey did you want to just split a taxi?" however, then that's a different story and, so long as you feel comfortable, there's no issue agreeing to that.
Most people agree that receiving gifts is nice. Purchasing something off a provider's wishlist, leaving a tip, or bringing something small and thoughtful is really generous and will almost certainly be well received! That being said, it is absolutely not expected. A booking with a sex worker is a luxury and is usually priced as such, so spending even more money on top of our fee is just not practical for many clients and we understand that.
The sex industry has been hit quite hard with the pandemic and many sex workers were ineligible for government assistance for a number of reasons (I was eligible, so this does not apply to me). As a result please consider that, for someone in a less than stable financial position, receiving a large, impractical, and expensive gift can be a bit upsetting when they could've really done with the money instead.
First of the day
Sometimes we have clients who request to be the first booking of the day and generally… we hate this. It comes across as very whorephobic, disrespectful, and nonsensical - it’s not like we magically wake up every morning with a fresh, untouched vagina. If you aren’t comfortable with the idea of being intimate with someone who has been intimate with others… I would probably suggest that seeing a sex worker may not be for you!
Haven't heard back?
You may not hear back straight away after contacting a provider - because of the nature of our work, it would be highly inappropriate for us to check our phone or emails in the middle of bookings. I personally struggle with this when on tour or when in longer bookings, as when I do have the opportunity to check my phone I have a large backlog of messages that I need to work through!
It’s a good idea in your initial contact to let the provider know if there are any restrictions regarding when you can be contacted. If you send an SMS at 3pm and the provider is in a 4 hour booking, they may see your message at 7pm and, if getting a reply at that time is going to be an issue for you, make sure you let them know!
Sometimes you will contact a provider and never hear back. This could be because you have not passed their screening process for some reason or because they have taken a break from the industry or left it all together.
If you haven’t heard back and don’t know why I personally think it is worth sending one follow up message, because it could be a case of your message being missed, forgotten about, or ending up in their junk folder. Send a polite follow up just checking to see if they received your initial message. If you don’t hear anything after this then it is time to move on and find a different provider.
In some cultures and in some industries, haggling is acceptable and even expected. In the sex industry it is not. Many providers, including me, will block you for haggling or asking for a discount. It is seen as quite disrespectful, and this includes asking for a lower rate because you don’t want to have penetrative sex in the booking.
Asking for things that aren’t on offer
As a general rule, if it isn’t being advertised then it probably isn’t on offer. That being said we can’t list every single thing possible under the sun - but if a provider doesn’t mention anal that’s a pretty big sign that they don’t offer anal.
Last minute bookings
One of the beauties of the sex industry is the freedom to decide HOW you work. There are some sex workers who prefer not to accept bookings in advance, and want to only see clients who contact them on the day. In my experience, I would say these providers are in the minority. For most of us, we need more notice than that. I personally am not able to accept same day bookings. Contacting a sex worker and expecting them to be able to see you on short notice is quite insulting - it suggests a lack of respect for us as human beings. I’m sure you’re not intending it this way, but it comes across as though you think of us as sex dolls who lay around in lingerie just waiting for your call, that you think we aren’t currently busy with clients who booked us weeks ago, and that you either don’t think we have a personal life, or that you think our personal life doesn’t have value.
We’re all running our own businesses which, as I’m sure you can understand, can be very hectic. We all have families and friends. We all face significant stigma & discrimination. We cannot simply drop everything to deal with your dick emergency.
Many sex workers require clients to pay a deposit to secure their booking, particularly for tour bookings where the outlay of costs is generally significantly higher. Unfortunately in this industry we encounter a lot of time wasters, "fantasy bookers", people who just want us to suffer, and people who get cold feet. It is not at all unusual for people to go through the whole booking process and then just not show up or, worse, not be at the location they've sent us to. For fun. At that point we have done all the admin leading up to the booking, spent time getting ready and preparing the space if an incall (which could include booking and paying for an incall), incurred the cost of travelling if an outcall or on tour, potentially booked and paid for babysitting, turned down time with our loved ones, and turned down other bookings.
If you are not comfortable paying a deposit, that's absolutely no issue. But it means that you should never enquire with a provider who requires one. My beauty therapist requires deposits - last week I paid $200 as a deposit. If I was not comfortable with that, I would've gone to a different business. Simple as that! I would not have contacted them asking for a workaround because I've been "burnt in the past" and I would not have sent them a message letting them know they lost my business because of their deposit policy. If they are in a position to be requiring deposits then losing me as a customer won't hurt their bottom line!
Unfortunately those of us in the sex industry face quite severe financial discrimination, even when working 100% within the law, as many of us do in Australia. It is rare for a sex worker to be able to secure an EFTPOS machine, and we regularly have accounts shut down by various payment processors (and sometimes that means losing any pending balance). As a result it is important that you follow our instructions for deposits and/or payments. Of course when handing over money a certain degree of skepticism can be very useful, but if a sex worker says they aren’t able to accept money via PayPal (notoriously very anti-sex work) it does not necessarily mean you are being scammed. We are very limited by the ways in which we are able to receive income (of course the government has no issue taking our money in the form of taxes though!). A common app used in the Australian sex industry is Beem It. This app was created with the Big 4 banks and is secure and trustworthy. The transactions are instant and anonymous. In order to use it you do have to download the app and create an account but it is simple to do and once you have you’ll be adored by sex workers across the country!
Payment at the booking
If you have not transferred money digitally before the booking (ensuring time for it to have cleared in the provider’s account of course), then you will be paying in cash on the day. It is a good idea to have the exact amount ready to go (and it doesn’t hurt to have a little ready to tip in case the experience is outstanding!). The expectation is that the cash will be handed over pretty much as soon as you or they arrive. Please do not be offended if the provider counts the money - it is not that they don’t trust you, but it is easy to make a mistake with a pile of cash! Some workers prefer for you to leave the money in an envelope on a table as you arrive, so that it is a more discreet transaction. An envelope isn’t necessary for me, and I’m happy for you to just hand the money to me as is - a lot of clients seem to feel a bit awkward about this part, but if you don’t feel awkward handing money to the cashier when you buy your groceries, then you shouldn’t with us!
Generally in life I would say it is a big faux pas to arrive somewhere late. In the sex industry, the faux pas lies more in arriving early!
If you’re like me and are someone who can’t stand being late, feel free to arrive in the area early. You can then sit in your car and wait, or go grab a drink. I don’t think there is anything wrong with sending a text that says “Heya, I’ve arrived early but am just waiting around the corner in my car. Happy to wait, but can come in early if that works for you”. But walking up to the door and expecting to be let in 5 or more minutes before the start time is a risky business. Sex workers face a lot of discrimination in terms of accomodation (both long & short term), so discretion is essential - even for someone like me who is face out and very open about my work. Having a nervous man lingering around your door, peering in, or ringing the buzzer repeatedly is the exact opposite of discreet. You are also running the risk of crossing paths with the previous client or a romantic partner or family member of the provider.
If you do arrive late, however, the provider may have no choice but to end your booking at the scheduled end time, meaning you won’t get the full amount of time you have paid for. So your best option is simply be right on time!
On the note of discretion, a common source of frustration for sex workers offering incalls (particularly in states where incalls are illegal!) are clients who do not follow the instructions to get to them. I suspect this is mostly because of nerves or blood rushing away from the head at the time, but it can have serious negative consequences for us, including being asked to leave the establishment (or having their lease broken if they are renting there) with no refund. Most modern apartment buildings for instance, will have an intercom system where you have to be let up the elevator by someone in the apartment. I send instructions to ring the intercom and then proceed to the elevator. I can't tell you how many clients sneak in the front door behind someone else, or notice the front door is propped open and go straight to the elevator. I then get a text message saying the elevator isn't working when I haven't even heard the intercom ring! The reception staff see all of this happening, including the client's attempt to be discreet failing miserably, because they then have to go back outside and start from scratch!
Actually... if you're doing something in the interest of discretion... you're probably drawing attention to yourself. I'm sorry to say it, but clients who turn up with a baseball cap and sunglasses indoors look shady as hell.
Many clients are worried that we won't like the way they look. Trust me when I say we are FAR more concerned about how you'll smell. If you aren't able to arrive freshly washed that's understandable, but you'll need to make sure you do it on arrival. Most providers will have a shower and mouthwash available to use... use it! It is expected that you have a shower at the start and end of your booking. These showers are included in the booking time, so I understand that you don’t want to stand there and daydream for 20 minutes, but you do need to actually properly wash yourself. I don’t want to sound patronising here, but for the love of god please use soap to wash your junk and your butthole. As with most of these things, it is in your best interest!
Of course everyone has different preferences when it comes to body hair, and at the end of the day you should do what you want to do with it! But it’s a good idea to think about the logistics of body hair and factor that into your decision - for instance if you enjoy receiving oral it will probably be more enjoyable for you (as well as them) if the provider doesn’t have to keep stopping to pull long pubes out of their mouth, or to sneeze because the hair is tickling their nose. If you enjoy giving oral and are someone who is able to grow facial hair, it’s good to know that short stubble can be incredibly painful on the delicate genital area! If you like to be rimmed, you may increase your chances of having this performed if you are hairless in the area.
Asking a provider how long ago they were last tested for STIs or to see their test results is considered quite offensive and you’ll find some providers will refuse to see you if you’ve asked this question, as it can flag to us that you may be wanting to engage in unsafe sex with us, or that you believe us to be “dirty” for some reason despite sex workers consistently having lower rates of STI transmission than the general public. It’s great to be aware of the risks of sex, as there always will be an element of risk. Sex workers take our sexual health (and our general health) very seriously - our livelihood depends on it, and we tend to have a high level of sexual health literacy. The best way to look after your own sexual health is to use barrier methods of contraception and get tested regularly. Looking at someone’s anonymous test results from a few weeks ago isn’t going to protect you in any way.
All sex workers have their own boundaries, and not just physical ones. For someone like me who puts half their life on social media, I’m obviously pretty open about my personal life and am happy to discuss almost anything, but many sex workers prefer to keep their private life private, and with good reason. It’s important to respect this because it’s the right thing to do as a human being, but also because pushing someone’s boundaries is the best way to receive crappy service, get kicked out, and/or never being allowed back.
On the flip side, you may not wish to answer personal questions either. That's totally your prerogative, but please know that when we ask what you do for work we are just trying to initiate conversation and make you comfortable - we're not putting our plans to stalk you into place!
I'm sure that if you were to offer business advice that it would be with the best intentions to help, but unfortunately many workers will not view it this way. The sex industry is incredibly unique and, unless you have lived experience of being a sex worker, your advice won't be relevant, and you offering it will simply feed into the narrative that sex work isn't real work, that we aren't intelligent, and that we just fell into this work because it is easy. We have peer organisations and resources and a strong and incredibly supportive community full of sex workers who have been in the industry for decades and sex workers who have a wide range of qualifications and experience. There may be things we do that do not make sense in other businesses, but please trust that we understand our own industry and we put a lot of effort into making the decisions we make.
It's a good thing that you want to ensure the provider has an enjoyable time during your booking - most of our clients do, and it's a pretty good indicator that you're a decent human being and not a psychopath. That being said, sex is complicated and bodies are even more complicated.
Don't make the mistake of assuming that an orgasm means pleasure or that the lack of an orgasm means a lack of pleasure. I have many clients who rarely or never have an orgasm in our sessions and they keep coming back, which tells me that they find it pleasurable. Of course I wouldn't enjoy our sessions if I thought they weren't having a nice time, but I don't need them to have an orgasm for me to enjoy myself. Honestly... I think that's kinda selfish.
In fact, pursuing your partner having an orgasm at all costs is probably the opposite of enjoyable for them. The pressure to perform combined with overstimulation and overexertion is absolutely not going to help someone have an orgasm and, while you may feel you are doing the Lord's work with your valiant efforts, you actually could be hurting your partner, physically and mentally. As someone who can basically orgasm when the wind changes direction, this even applies to me too! It might sound like having 50 orgasms in an hour would be amazing but I can guarantee you it is not! It is exhausting, dehydrating (in my case at least!), and painful. I'm not saying don't give me orgasms. I would never say that! Just keep in mind that giving someone an orgasm isn't the pinnacle of sexual success. I mean I'm literally a professional and I often am not able to do it!
Most clients with penises are concerned that they will have an erection as soon as they step out of the shower and that they will orgasm "too quickly". The reality is often the opposite (particularly for your first booking, and particularly in threesomes). It is not uncommon AT ALL for a client with a penis to be unable to get or maintain an erection, or to orgasm. There's lots of factors at play, and I won't pretend to be a doctor, but a lot of clients are very nervous, are taking a lot in at once, and may have conflicting thoughts in their mind. Whether you orgasm quickly, slowly, or not at all, and whether your penis is erect for the entire booking or it never happens, we don't mind. And you DO NOT need to apologise. I can't stress that enough!
The only thing I would say is that it is a good idea to know when it isn't going to happen for you, and just embrace the moment instead of desperately trying to rub one out in the last 2 minutes.
The end of a booking
It is my view that it is the service provider’s job to keep an eye on the time, but it is useful for you to have an idea of the time as well. If there is not a clock in the room and you don’t have a watch, then I would suggest being really aware of the ways in which a provider may suggest that time is coming to a close. Because we are in a position of providing a service, and one as intimate as ours, it can be difficult for us to say “okay, it’s time to leave!” so will usually employ other tactics to make it feel more organic and natural - like asking if you’d like a shower, asking what you are doing afterwards, standing up and moving towards the bathroom, tidying up.
If you have booked a 1 hour appointment at 1pm that means you have paid until 2pm. In my case, if I don’t have anything on immediately after the booking, and I’m enjoying the conversation, then I may well go a little over time on my own terms which is absolutely no issue. When I’m trying desperately to get you to leave because my next client has just pulled up and I need to get you out, change all the sheets, tidy up, have a shower, and fix up my hair and makeup before letting them in however, that’s a different, incredibly stressful, issue. Some providers leave an hour or more between bookings, some leave half hour, some only leave 15 minutes or even less. So if a provider encourages you to stay longer you should be very appreciative, and if they don’t then you should not :)
If you have a disability that will have an impact on the booking, it’s a good idea to disclose this in your initial contact. Not because it will mean a sex worker won’t want to see you (although some may not for personal reasons or may be unable to due to their own disabilities), but because we need to know if we are able to provide an experience that is positive for you. It isn’t so much important for us to know that you have a disability, but more how it may affect you. For instance if you have ASD or are on the spectrum, you could say things like “I will need you to be clear with instructions and what is expected of me because I don’t always pick up on social cues”, or “I am sensitive to a lot of stimuli so it would be best for me if there is no music playing”, or “I find it difficult to make eye contact, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you” (if those things apply to you, of course!) and that will be incredibly helpful information for us to have. If you are in a wheelchair, it is important for us to know if you would like to remain in the wheelchair for the booking or be transferred to a bed and, if the latter, if you are able to transfer yourself (with some assistance) or if you need us to lift you. Many sex workers will not be able to lift you (myself included!). Communication plays a vital role in our work, so it’s also useful for us to know if you are non-verbal or use an alternative method of communicating like a talking keyboard, so that we can ensure we understand how to best communicate with you and obtain consent from you.
Providers who hide their face
A lot of providers do not show their face in their advertising. These are very smart providers! I only found out recently that some clients interpret a worker not showing their face as a sign that they don’t have an attractive face or that they are ashamed of their job, but that isn’t the case at all. I’ve found people who aren’t sex workers have no idea of the implications of showing your face when you are an in-person sex worker. The moment I started showing my face was the moment:
- I gave up the freedom to ever travel to a number of countries, including the USA
- I accepted I would not be able to be employed by a large number of employers and industries
- My husband accepted he would not be able to be employed by certain employers and industries.
- I began regularly receiving messages while in public from strangers telling me they could see me and commenting on my appearance.
And that’s all for me - as a white, cis-gendered woman with a white, cis-gendered husband, I miss out on a huge amount of the prejudice faced by my peers.
There seems to be an assumption that the decriminalisation (or even legalisation to a lesser extent) of sex work means that sex workers no longer face stigma or discrimination but there are currently no anti-discrimination protections in place for sex workers and the reality is it can be very difficult for current and past sex workers to secure housing, bank accounts, employment, etc.
So basically what I’m saying is - never ask a face-in sex worker to send you a photo of their face. They haven’t accidentally hidden it. It’s a very intentional move designed to protect their future, and we all need to respect that.
Sex workers have reclaimed a number of slurs, and some of us take great pride in them (my everyday earrings say ‘WHORE’ in tiny little letters and I often refer to myself as a ‘hooker’). Because some of us use slurs like whore, hooker, or even prostitute in a positive way, it can be confusing for people outside of the industry. Please be aware that these words are very loaded and should only be used by sex workers. If you find yourself needing to be more specific than ‘sex worker’ you could use terms like ‘online sex worker’, ‘in-person sex worker’, ‘street-based sex worker’, ‘independent sex worker’ or ‘full service sex worker’ (for someone who provides penetrative sex).
Some additional language tips to get you brownie points with your provider:
- Not all sex workers are women. Those who ARE women are not girls.
- Not all clients are men.
- Decriminalisation and legalisation are not the same thing! Sex workers are fighting for decriminalisation NOT legalisation.
- SWERF = Sex Work Exclusionary Radical Feminist (often seen with their friend the TERF = Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist). SWERFs arguably do the most damage to the sex worker cause. They consider all sex workers to be victims who are incapable of consent. Their favourite past time is conflating sex trafficking with sex work - two VERY different things.
I am baffled at how many times a nervous client has asked me "are you alone?" or "will we be alone?" Every time they have asked this it has been because they have some wild movie fantasy in their head of me having a pimp hiding around the corner with a baseball bat ready to bash them and take their money so he and I can run off and buy drugs. Now we all have anxieties and I am empathetic to that but yikes. Please put yourself in our shoes for a second and think about how alarming that question is for us to receive!
Frottage is rubbing your genitals against something for sexual gratification. What I'm referring to specifically, however, is rubbing your genitals directly on a sex worker's genitals. Unless you have an explicit agreement with the sex worker that you will be engaging in unprotected intercourse, rubbing your genitals on theirs is completely unacceptable. I have encountered an alarmingly high number of clients who believe this act is risk free. Sure, it won't get someone pregnant, but it absolutely can transmit STIs (yes, even if you don't "put it in") and is sexual assault if your partner has not consented to it. Unless you have specifically ASKED if you can rub your genitals on theirs and they have clearly agreed to it, DO NOT DO IT.
Tell us about yourself
Now while there's no harm in sending through a SHORT paragraph about yourself in your initial enquiry, there are certain personal descriptors that throw up big flags for us if we haven't asked for them.
When a potential client, unprompted, informs us that they are "white", "fit", "young" and/or "clean"... generally it leads to a little vomit arriving in our mouths. The first three descriptors suggest that you think we will be more likely to accept a booking from someone who is a certain race, body type, and age, which is... misguided at best. And anyone who describes themselves as "clean" likely knows little about sexual health, rarely, if ever, gets tested, and may want to have unprotected sex with us. So it's a good way to NOT secure a booking.
Sending a photo is just... not a good idea. This isn't Tinder - we're not swiping on you. All we want to know is if you are safe, respectful, and kind. A photo of you doesn't help with that in any way. And I don't know how to make it any clearer to you: WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. If someone sends me a photo of themself I am almost guaranteed to cancel the booking/reject the booking request. It says to me that either they think they are attractive enough to get something extra/special treatment, or that they have unrealistic expectations about the transaction. And either way it won't be a good time for me.
Note: some sex workers may choose to ask for a photo of you or to know your age or occupation, etc, as a part of their screening process. Of course in that case, feel free to share! And if you aren't comfortable sharing, it's time to find a provider who doesn't ask for those things.